Such A Crybaby

And it wasn't just because I'm a weenie-- it was because another one of my patients died. Sigh. I think that brings the grand total to like five or something in 9 months. It wasn't because I liked the patient, either. Actually, I considered him to be particularly irritating and I ended up giving him a lot of nursing care leading up to the incident, but I really didn't want to be in the room. He was so annoying! So why did I cry? Well, I think it had to do with the fact that at the end of it when everyone realized that our efforts weren't going anywhere and the physicians called his time of death, I looked over at one of my coworkers who I'd previously had a tiny spat with (who had worked her butt off with me in that room during the whole of it) and noticed that her cheeks were wet. That was really it... but oh well.

One of the nursing administrators present gave me a squeeze, asked if I was ok, and wanted to know if that had been my first patient who'd gotten sick like that and died. I choked out a "no!" which led to a kind of knowing laugh from her and then a hug from my previously pissed-at-me coworker.

This certainly wasn't my first patient death... but I hope it's my last.