Caution-- Keep Back 50 Feet

Is it just me, or does running make other people gassy, too? I don't know if it has something to do with my highly fermentable diet, the fact that I guzzle my fluids and swallow my food without chewing it that well, or what, but every time I do cardio on the elliptical machines (which makes up the vast majority of my workouts thus far) I seem to be inundated with excess gas.

And it's not always the slightly more socially acceptable upper-GI eructations that I grace my fellow-gym-goers with (though I do surprise myself with how often I burp while running). Unfortunately I often grace the exercising arena with terrible, stinky, sweaty-butt, loud as anything farts.

Jeez I'm classy.

You know what else? I always try to be sneaky about it. Like, when I'm burping, I just kind of keep my mouth closed and excuse myself. But when I'm farting, I don't want anyone else to know it was me, so there's clearly no admission of guilt or excuse for the little slip. That would be terrible. No-- instead, after the blessed event, I look around first to see if everyone has their headphones placed firmly in ears and plugged into iPods and TV monitors to at least lessen the chance that anyone heard. Then I check again to make sure nobody was walking behind me at the very moment I let one rip... either that, or was unfortunate enough to walk through my apparent death-cloud status post dispersion of stank air. Yeah, really sneaky....

So far I've only stunk out a couple of people... I could tell because pretty soon after the third or fourth, um, eruption, they got off of the elliptical machines next to me and went elsewhere to work out.

Sigh. I'm so weird.