Hospital Not For Me?
I've kind of hinted at it before, but I haven't really addressed it on this blog... but I've been wondering lately if working in a hospital is the right venue for me. I mean, I'm getting a lot more used to it than I was before. It's still really difficult-- the work is terribly challenging, I constantly feel overwhelmed and that all the time management assistance in the world m
ight not be able to help me, but for the most part, I notice a difference in my comfort level on the job between now and a couple of months ago when I'd just come off of my preceptorship.But that doesn't change the fact that I still am not sure that working in this type of setting is right for me. I do actually like working in a hospital. I like giving direct patient care, providing healing and comfort at the bedside... I wonder then if it's my particular hospital or unit that's making me feel like I'd maybe rather be somewhere else.
I know that the patients at my hospital are the sickest of the sick. They get transported (by helicopter even) from all over the tristate area when they're too sick for their own local hospitals to care for them. And I know that the people on my floor are particularly ill because their organs of filtration and cleaning are working insufficiently, so the rest of their parts kind of follow suit and start to fail, leaving them weak, highly prone to drug toxicity, and oftentimes unable to care for themselves at all. And we really do have a lot of people code, and many times, die on my unit. They're just so sick that every two weeks or so, one person or another's body just sort of gives out...
But knowing all of that, I still feel like I'm missing something, like I'm just not getting it. Maybe I'm too sensitive-- that I let too much in. The deaths of the patients on my floor really do have an impact on my psyche. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I don't know how to harden myself to stuff like that and still be able to demonstrate and offer as much compassion as these sick folks need all the time. Sigh. Oh well, I guess some of that kind of comes with the territory. I just hope I don't continue to take it in as much as I have been, because sooner or later, something's gonna give.
posted by Emily @ 6:22 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
That's one of the things about working in Healthcare... so many facets to deal with. You already know what the pluses and minuses are in terms of working at your hospital. Great opportunities to work with patients (plus), many of them code (minus), local location (plus), constant stress (minus). Etcetera.
I have found, thus far, that working in healthcare can be alienating. No one really gets what you're going through except your peers. Have you asked friends from your nursing program @ Bing if they're having the same issues? If their experiences and feelings are wildly different than yours, maybe you should consider working in a different setting. (smaller hospital, hospice, etc.)
I'd wait it out a little longer. But, that's just me.
Chin up! :P
Thanks for the message, anonymous. It feels good to know that other people out there know what I'm talking about. I only keep in touch regularly with one girlfriend from my nursing program, and she's in pediactrics, and hardly ever has experiences that are similar to mine. She started this past June at another major medical center, but I don't think she's had too many patients anywhere near as sick or near death as the majority of mine are. But then again, that also kind of comes with her patient population compared to mine.
And I'm not quite ready to quit. A month and a half ago, yes, I might have. I used to walk out of the hospital every single day and wonder what would happen if I just quit and never went back. I don't feel nearly as desperate about my job situation as I did just a couple of weeks ago, but I must admit that I still (too often for my tastes) find myself tearing up at work because I just feel so completely overwhelmed... but I know that that too will pass. I gave myself at least six months to try it out, and after that time if I still hated it, to consider transferring to another unit, and then to another hospital. It will be six months in February, but I have a feeling that by then, I'll be realize that maybe I've found my occupational "home" and won't want to be anywhere else... There's always hoping, isn't there?
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