The Story Of Today

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this Microsoft Paint illustration must be worth at least seven-twenty-five, right? Click on the drawing to see its magnificent details in a larger view. Notice also when it's zoomed in that I misspelled the word on the sash "Finnish" as in "I feel so relieved-- it's almost as though I've just crossed the Finnish line!!" Well, I always knew I wanted to travel some more... oops. Heh-- I'm such a dork.

(OK Craig, I promise not to bite off your blog too much more after this!)

My Life As Of Late

My friend Craig called for Microsoft Paint illustrations to post on his blog, and I sent him this one of me. But it was just so fabulous that I had to include it on my own blog as well.

Please notice how fabulous my body is in the top picture, and that I'm wearing a bikini and that I have a great rack. Clearly it's an accurate representation of my own personal physique. Click on the illustration to see it in better detail.

With luck, the bottom picture will be obsolete as of approximately 2 o'clock in the afternoon on Wednesday, September 28th, 2005.

Another Hundred Things About Me

Since the last 100 were so well received, and since I'm just bursting with character, I thought I'd treat all you Noodle fans to some more special insights into my life! Yay!! If you missed the first 100 things about me, you can find them here: 100 Things About Me

101. I am insanely jealous. And I almost always begin my thought processes by thinking the worst. These two facts about me are bad enough, but when combined, serve to collapse my private little world until someone inevitably drags me back to reality. Thank God.

102. There is a distinct three- or four-year period during my childhood/adolescence that I've pushed so far down into my memory banks that I don't think I'll ever be able to retrieve without the help of hypnosis. Or heavy drugs. Or both.

103. I have three brothers. One is biologically linked, is 5 years older than me, and has been estranged since 1994. The other two are maritally linked, are some number of unremembered years younger than me, and have been strange since 1996, when I met them.

104. I hate endives.

105. When I walk along a sidewalk and people are walking in the opposite direction and are facing me, I love to play that staring game where I gaze up into their eyes until they feel uncomfortable enough to look away. For some reason it gives me great satisfaction.

106. Growing up for years and years, I had this irrational fear of answering the telephone. And I often wouldn't initiate phone calls, either. It really stunted my social life. In college, I got a job as a cold-caller for the fundraising office. I had a social life that flourished at that point in my life. Weird how things change.

107. Most people remember faces but not names. I have trouble remembering the faces, but will almost always remember names, where the person is from, what friends we've got in common, what they studied in college and some strange idiosyncrasies about them. But none of that usually helps, because I can't friggin' remember that I've ever met them before when I see them again.

108. Singing quite loudly and animatedly is one of my favorite activities in which to participate while driving around in an automobile.

109. I didn't get my drivers' license until I was 20 years old. I was too scared. When I finally did go for it, I passed on the first shot, and then proceeded to get a junior license, a senior license and an over 21 license mailed to me all in the same couple of weeks. It was cool.

110. For some reason, when I turned 21 and was legally allowed to drink, I somehow decided that it was boring and, for the most part, stopped.

111. Every once in awhile, I surprise myself by tossing an unplanned "y'all" into a conversation.

112. It doesn't take very much to make me cry.

113. I love lists.

114. Being stuck in traffic usually doesn't bother me. When I get road rage it's often because of some moving moronic infraction of law or common courtesy by another driver.

115. I have only been on one blind date. It was a disaster. He called me a "cheap date" because my vegetarian meal didn't cost as much as his bloody mooing one. He tried to hold my hand when we were walking and put his arm around me when we sat down. It wigged me out. When he took me home and we were sitting talking, and I didn't want to sit next to him because he kept offering to give me back massages, he told me that "just because we may sit next to each other doesn't mean we have to smooch and make out." I told him I understood that. He offered for me to sit next to him again. I declined again. He got mad, told me it didn't seem like I wanted him around, and then thankfully got up and left. He was a minister for a church he'd started himself. Shudder.

116. When people discuss movies and actors, I usually have no idea who or what they're talking about. It's like I'm some deprived tvless idiot with no exposure to media or motion picture entertainment. I kind of like it that way.

117. I have a hearing problem. At first I thought it was just me thinking the worst (see #101), but now I honestly think I have a common ear thing called tinnitis. Every once in awhile, the sound in one ear will blacken out (if hearing can blacken out... but that's kind of the closest description I've got to what happens) and intense, high-pitched ringing will ensue. It's a little uncomfortable and a bit disheartening, but I think I can trace it back to high school when I played in the very loud percussion section of the marching and concert bands. Oh man-- it must have been the crashing of the cymbals.

118. Every couple of months I get this strange desire to remember what my senior prom date's name was and I usually have trouble with it... so much trouble that it often can take up to a week or two to remember. Then when I do, I feel satisfied again. Until the next time I can't remember.

119. I'm having less and less of a problem in my advanced age with letting go of friends and other people in my life who don't treat me very well. Kudos to me!

120. There was this patient I had to admit to the hospital who came for a liver transplant. When I got to the patient's room, there were a ton of people standing around all wearing street clothes. So I asked, "Ok, who here is the patient?" and I looked around, and it suddenly became clear which person was the patient because my eyes fell on a very diminutive looking yellow lady. "Oh," I replied, "you must be the patient." So we went through the admission history and I let her get settled in, and when asking if she had any questions, she said she wanted to know what my neon green rubber bracelet was for (you know, like one of those Lance Armstrong ones, but green). I replied that it's one for organ and tissue donation and she was so excited that they had one for that, and that it was green (her favorite color). At that moment, I knew I wanted to give it to her, but she had to get undressed and into a gown to immediately go down to the operating room. So, about a week later, I had her again as my patient, only this time I was discharging her from the hospital to home. Right before she left, I thought quickly enough to take my green bracelet off my wrist and slip it onto hers. That simple little act made her so happy, and it made me feel great. I hope I can do more simple little acts like that in my life.

121. Garlic + cut up potatoes + olive oil + rosemary + a dash of salt and pepper + roasting pan + 400F oven + 45 minutes = a little pan of heaven.

122. I find that I'm constantly wiping the narsty facegrease off the display screen of my cell phone. Do you have to do that, too? It's so gross.

123. The reaction on people's faces when they find out I'm vegan is great. What's better is the reaction when they find out that my manfriend works at a meat market.

124. I really enjoy multicolored paper clips.

125. I never really know how to spell "separate" and "occurrence" and "ridiculous." Whenever I type those words out, they're consistently misspelled. In fact, the only reason they're spelled correctly here is because I used the spell checker.

126. I have a big mouth problem. I usually say too much. It sometimes pisses people off. Oops.

127. The noises on AIM that happen when people message one another make me feel happy.

128. I hate the sound of the smoke detector... so much so that when I'm cooking and something in the oven burns and the alarm goes off, I usually rip it off the wall.

129. I usually can't be around people if they're wearing perfume that's stronger than the oh-smell-my-wrist-isn't-my-perfume-great?-I-just-love-it type.

130. I've never gotten sea-sick.

131. I have this crazy dislike for women whose thighs I can see between when they're walking in front of me. These feelings are made infinitely worse if they have amazing cleavage.

132. Sometimes when I use those dental-floss-on-a-stick things, they get stuck in my mouth and I feel immediately embarrassed even though nobody else is there to witness it.

133. I hate the word "schlong."

134. I really enjoy writing people letters and sending out cards in the mail.

135. I hate making flash cards.

136. Memorizing stuff just for the sake of memorization sucks.

137. When I was in high school, I was in a band called The People's Republic of Funk as the drummer. We were really ghetto.

138. I'm usually a giant sap and a terrible closet crybaby, but lately more than ever it seems as though I'll get weepy at the drop of a hat. Ugh.

139. When I was little, I used to sit down at the kitchen table before school to eat breakfast. Then, when I got to middle school, I found I didn't have time for that, but my mom didn't want me to go to school without having eaten anything, so she used to send me off on the bus with a banana every day. Eating the bananas was ok for the fist year or so, but after that, I pretty much got sick of them. Instead of saying anything to my mother, I used to try to pawn off my bananas onto my friends. That went on for at least another year and a half almost every single school day. Finally, I think I just stopped taking them to school, but I never said anything to my mom about getting nauseated at the thought of eating another banana.

140. I finally told her about my banana story two years ago.

141. It wasn't until probably six or seven years later that I could even consider eating another banana. I still only have one a couple of times a year, and even that's a stretch. Their smell still sometimes makes me cringe.

142. I have terrible posture.

143. I still own and use a backpack that I bought in 1999. I bring it with me to work every day. It's been to three different countries and a a bunch of different tropical rainforests.

144. I crack my pelvis and my back on a regular basis.

145. The smells of whiteout and gasoline and permanent markers revolt me.

146. Despite my youngish age, I have wrinkles around my mouth and eyes from smiling so much.

147. My fingers are fat.

148. I'm proud of my scars and can tell the story that accompanies each one.

149. Good oral hygiene makes me happy.

150. I read books for fun and I'm not *too* much of a literature snob, but when I don't like a book that I'm reading, I usually have a really hard time putting it down unfinished.

151. I really like stopping my car to let families of geese cross the road.

152. Despite what I try to convince myself and everyone else, I really do care what people think about me.

153. I have had to teach my mother how to pump her own gasoline a couple of times. The lessons were futile as she still can't do it.

154. My manfriend told me once that I'm a lot more complex and fragile than I let on. I think he pretty much pinned the nail on the head.

155. Sometimes I wake myself up with my own snoring. Like, more often that I'd care to admit.

156. Less than ten minutes ago, my mother just uttered the following in response to my... um... gastrointestinal exclamations: "Oh God, you should go live outside in a pup tent in the back yard... then you could fart yourself to glory."

157. I'm really good at giving advice but pretty terrible at taking it.

158. Simple mathematics is not one of my strong points-- I still use my fingers to count.

159. When I was in college, I used to go spelunking (cave diving)... it was awesome!

160. I have never ridden a horse.

161. Taking a ride on a motorcycle is one of the most enjoyable ways to travel along empty back country roads in autumn.

162. I try really hard not to harbor regrets.

163. Despite myself, I find that I'm really great at holding grudges.

164. The smell of cedar always brings back memories of my late gerbils.

165. I'm excellent at expressing myself to people when I've got needs that aren't being met, but mostly to people who don't matter much in the grand scheme of things. With folks who are close to me, I have a hard time confessing that kind of thing.

166. My internal monologue is typically external... or absent. Whichever. Does that make sense?

167. The smell of cooked chicken still makes me salivate. The smell of cooked beef makes me want to vomit.

168. I'm part hyper-in-tune-with-my-body and part hypochondriac.

169. I'm sort of picky about what types of pens I'll write with.

170. I avoid taking over the counter cough/cold/general under-the-weather medicines and pain relievers at all costs.

171. I am not afraid to die.

172. I am afraid about the deaths of the people closest to me.

173. I'm really afraid of being alone.

174. Dill pickles are only palatable a couple of times a year, gherkins are ok a couple of times a month, really good Kosher deli style half-sours are good every minute of every waking hour. Mmmm.

175. I like eating leftover dinner foods for breakfast. Like, cereal isn't usually my first choice in the morning, but spaghetti and broccoli with roasted garlic and olive oil sounds perfect.

176. I like to play rough.

177. I haven't eaten meatloaf since 1994. Thank God.

178. Sometimes I can't help but stare at the Windows XP Home Edition wallpaper of clouds because if I look at it a certain way, all I can see is a strangely coincidental formulation of a cumulonimbus penis.

179. I don't like lollipops that much.

180. Reading magazines targeted at twenty-something women can be entertaining, but I generally find them mind-numbing and marginally boring. And the sex tips are usually so been-there-done-that, too!

181. I really enjoy working with power tools.

182. I can knit with knitting needles, but not that well, and I am not terribly coordinated. When I knit with needles and I drop a stitch, I'm usually not good enough at it to pick up the dropped stitch, so I end up trying to undo the whole row... but then I usually can't undo just the row and I manage to find myself in a situation where I've just unwound the entire garment. Highly unsatisfying.

183. I can knit with this loom I have called the "Nifty Nitter" or something. I'm actually really great at it and I've yet to drop a stitch. Unfortunately, the only thing I can knit with the loom are scarves... long, long scarves. Heh.

184. Every couple of months, I get the urge to start a new and exciting craft. Knitting has really been the only one I've stuck with for any length of time.

185. When the bathroom door or window are open and the shower curtain happens to billow towards me on a draft, I tend to freak out. I hate it when the shower curtain attacks me!

186. Back massages are amazing and I will accept one graciously as often as it's offered. Unless it's offered from a really skeevey blind date.

187. Sometimes if it's late at night and I've just spent the day working, I'll fall asleep on the phone. I usually don't notice I've done it until the party on the other end of the line asks me a question and we both realize I've just answered terribly inappropriately for the context at hand.

188. Procrastination is my middle name. Well, it's not *really* my middle name, but by the way I act, sometimes you'd think it was actually written on my birth certificate.

189. Cherries are my favorite summer fruit.

190. I am really bossy in the kitchen... like, when I'm cooking, everyone out!

191. It's taking me a very long time, but I'm starting to realize that when people offer to lend a hand, that I should accept the assistance.

192. Most of the time, I'd consider myself a giant spaz as stationary architectural objects (like walls and door frames) don't always keep out of my way.

193. When I was younger, I used to collect bandaids. You know, like, what you put on cuts. I'd get them as presents for my birthday and Hanukkah, and when people would go on vacations, they'd bring them back to me from far-off places as mementoes. What a weirdo!

194. I make my own hummus and pesto.

195. I bought a bread machine last year. I only know how to make one kind of bread-- garlic and rosemary yeast bread. Mmmmm. Unfortunately I haven't used the machine since a month after I got it. Heh.

196. Sometimes when I'm driving in my car with my windows down, I feel the need to blast my music and I feel really competitive of the other cars on the road... like my music has to be the loudest, even though nobody else seems to be challenging me.

197. A fairly regular occurrence for me the morning that something big or new is going to happen (like an important exam, a first day at work, or a job interview), is that I get a stomach ache and feel really crappy. Literally.

198. I just sneezed eight times while writing #197.

199. When I've had something weighing on my mind and I finally let it out, the feeling of relief that I get is absolutely amazing.

200. This list has taken me a *very* long time to finish and I don't think I'll be constructing another one quite so involved anytime soon! :)

On My Own

Pretending she's beside me... all alone, and it's awful. No, not my singing voice or the wrong lyrics to Les Miserables, it's actually the soundtrack to my professional life as of recently.

I'm officially off orientation, so the nurses that I have been working with and who have been guiding all of my actions are pretty much out of the picture. Not to say that I'm without support altogether-- when I have questions, there are lots of staff persons to help me out. But really for the most part, I'm on my own. And what a terrible feeling from the pit of my stomach all the way up to my throat and all the way down to my colon (or something) that leaves me with. Ugh.

Anyway, I'm not going to get into the gory details too much, but I just wanted to update all my Noodle fans on how my very first and second on-my-own-and-I-feel-so-alone days went:

1. First thing in the shift Monday morning, a patient takes a turn for the worst and ends up having cardiac arrest. I had to call a code and I was pretty much unable to assist because of fear, emotion, memories of finding my grandmother dead in her hospital room a couple of months before... all kinds of stuff. It was awful. I couldn't stop crying... and not that little whimpering "woe is me" business. I mean, like, full body "can't stop shaking because I'm so overcome with emotion" sobbing. I had to be herded away to the breakroom for a while until I could calm down. And even though I continued to give care to the rest of my patients the rest of the shift, I was really unable to settle down. I must have spent about seven or so hours crying. What a terrible experience.

2. Last thing that shift right before the next group of nurses arrived to the unit, a patient on IV blood thinners who was confused and blind ended up getting out of bed, severing his IV tubing by what looked like teeth marks, and I found him standing in the room with blood pouring out of the cut tubing, gown soaked, bedsheets soaked, blood all over the floor. Sheesh. I disconnected the IV tubing that had been causing the blood to pour from his wrist, yelled at him to stay put and not move an inch, called for someone to get housekeeping, threw a towel onto the floor and escorted him to the bed where I again barked at him not to move an inch, and then called the doctor. Things with the patient ended up ok, but God-- what a shitty end to a shitty day. I needed a vacation.

3. But unfortunately, I was back the very next day. Really the only big challenge I faced that day was with a patient who accused me of forcing him to take too many medications. Now, granted this guy was sick. He didn't feel good and so he was in a bad mood. I can understand that. But force him to take too many pills? I don't think so. Some of my patients are served a nice cocktail of 30 or more pills at 10am alone (yes, thirty or more just at that one time), so I didn't think that the SIX PILLS I was giving this guy was that many. He did though, and when he refused to take some of them and I had already spent thirty minutes trying to encourage him to take premedications so he wouldn't have anaphylactic shock from the dye he was to receive for a procedure later, I just left and called his physician for an IV premedication order. Much easier, much less of a hassle. Also, this guy was fasting so that he could have this procedure done, and he was hungry. I understand that. But he also didn't want to be in the hospital and knew that the sooner he had his tests and procedures, the sooner he could be discharged. So, knowing all of that, why would you purposely sabotage your progress by eating right before you're supposed to have the test done knowing fully well that you're supposed to be fasting. ARGH! I came into the room to check on this guy and found that his wife had brought him a giant plate of chicken wings and french fries. So I called his doctor (again) to inform her... what an annoyance. Now he was just going to have to go another day with not eating. Oh well, sucks for him. Other stuff happened with this guy that was getting in the way of my giving him appropriate care... all because of his various behaviors, but I made sure to document it all and to inform his medical service. Nothing else I could do about it, so after writing all about it in his chart, I let it go. Good riddance.

Anyway, so that was my last two days at work. I had off today, thank God, but I'm back on tomorrow for some more of the same bullshit, I'm sure.

It probably sounds like I'm so incredibly jaded... and I guess at this early stage in my career, I am. I'm sorry about that-- it's getting in the way of my being able to spend more time with the patients I enjoy. I mean, everyone is getting the same good care from me equally, but it's all really cramping my style. And I love what I'm doing (for the most part) as far as helping people and taking care of them when they're unable to care for themselves... all very altruistic and yadda yadda yadda, and that part feels great. But I'm still wondering when I'm going to start to enjoy my job overall... when will I stop wanting to quit at the end of each day, or even better yet, when will I actually look forward to going in to do the work in the field I so desperately wanted to join in the first place? For my sake and for everyone else's, I hope it happens soon, though that sinking feeling extending the entire length of my GI tract somehow hints at otherwise.

Whipped By A Wet Noodle

There's this one kind of raman noodle soup that I eat. It's Kimchee flavored, is the real deal (as in, it's Korean from the Asian Market near me, not that blech stuff you can get for $0.75 a case at the corner bodega), and is spicy as anything. Yum. It's so salty, and with my not-always-so-low blood pressure issues, I know I shouldn't eat it. But when I'm in a rush, and I'm starving, it's a really easy way for me to fill my belly.

One thing I've noticed about it, though-- the noodles are really long. Like, it seems as if there are only six noodles in the whole container, but that they're each twelve feet long or something. Because every time I take a bite of the noodles, I have to suck and suck and suck just to get to the end of the bite. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyway, the point of the story is that the other day, I was happily slurping up my Kimchee soup, and I'd taken a bite of the noodles. So of course I was sucking and sucking and sucking, but the noodles didn't seem to want to end. So I sucked and sucked and sucked some more, this time with more gusto. Finally, I thought I was getting somewhere-- I could see the end of the noodle in question snaking towards me in the bowl as I was sucking. But you know what? It didn't just slurp itself into my mouth the way I was expecting it to-- instead, it lifted up on the final suck and slapped me in the eye!

I wear glasses, so usually when food tries to attack me in the eye, I've got these automatic protective shields. But this noodle, man, this thing was another story. It sloshed broth all over my glasses, and then proceeded to flip back behind the lenses and get me right on the lashes. Good thing I've got reflexes like a feline, because having that spicy shiz hit me in the eye itself would have been terrible.

When I realized what'd just happened, I was at first shocked, but then could see the humor in it and couldn't stop laughing. I looked in the mirror and lo and behold, had big smudge marks on my glasses, and a trail of soup running down the side of my face. Ha!

I think the next time I have that soup, I'm going to cut the noodles before I remove them from the pan. Or maybe I should just wear goggles.

An Inside Look

Sometimes I just want to post my IM conversations... and not to bite off of this one blog that I've been addicted to as of late, but they're just too funny not to share every once in awhile. Ok, well, maybe they're only funny to me, but I want to share them anyhow. And really, I totally have just bitten off that other lady's blog.

PS- It's not demonstrated here as well as in some of our other conversations, but try to notice the paralleling of conversation topics here. With Kate, this is a normal occurrence. We will both talk (talc) for hours and will continue to maintain an immaculate separation in subject material for the duration of the discussion. Notice also that I try to throw sex into every conversation in which I participate. Quite humorous, really.

PPS- I was not really sure if I should post this IM or not. It's somewhat personal and highly insightful into my inner workings. But hey, if not to share about my life, then what's the point of this blog anyway?

So here goes:

Kate: so the nap thing didn't pan out like i'd hoped
Me: Oh no?
Me: I still really want a smooch, by the way. The really nice kind where you sort of hungrily attack the other person's face and there's a lot of full-body contact and passionate hand movements.
Me: Complete with yum yum noises.
Kate: oh man, i could totally go for that
Me: Where's my man?
Kate: far far away
Me: ugh
Kate: where's mine?
Me: In my vagina
Me: as we speak.
Me: and let me tell you-- he's great!
Kate: oh
Kate: well when you're done just send him over my way
Me: Sure thing, pal.
Kate: haha
Me: So-- has Dave emailed you back yet??
Kate: not yet
Kate: he could still be in class and not have checked it yet
Me: Right. Or think you're a weirdo.
Kate: or that
Me: I spent 20 minutes this morning inspecting my naked breasts from all angles in the mirror while I was lying down to see what they'd look like if someone walked past Matt's bedroom in his Bing apartment after he left the door open when going to the bathroom post coitus.
Kate: does he leave the door open?
Me: Sometimes. Like, sometimes he shuts it, and sometimes he pushes it closed and tries to let gravity help bring the door all the way to the closed position. But sometimes I think he forgets, especially if everyone's gone for the weekend, or it's the middle of the night or really early in the morning.
Kate: right
Me: But sometimes I think he might purposely leave it open.
Kate: ooh la la
Me: Which is weird since he's mostly pretty protective of other people seeing me unclad.
Kate: right
Me: But he also knows that I'm also *almost* an exhibitionist, which makes me wonder if it's purposeful or not.
Kate: gotcha
Me: Why, do you think that's weird?
Kate: no
Me: Oh.
Kate: i'm just not used to people being so frank about their sexual activities
Me: Oh.
Me: <--- frank about her sexual activities Kate: <--- well aware Me: Matt told me the last time I was up for a visit that Andrew (our friend/his roommate) asked if he was going to see Matt's white ass up in the air again this year.
Kate: lol
Me: I asked him what that meant and he said it meant that Andrew had walked by Matt's window while we were fooling around last year and apparently we'd left the blinds open and Andrew had gotten an eyefull. Ugh.
Kate: lol. oh man that's rough
Me: It's so strange. The idea of any of his roommates walking past his room and seeing me lying there half naked kind of excites me, but given the hint of a chance that someone actually saw us screwing and I get all weirded out.
Kate: lol
Me: How come, do you think?
Kate: i have no idea. i can't imagine
Kate: maybe that takes the fantasy out of it
Kate: if someone's just looking at you then they can imagine all kinds of things
Kate: but if they actually see you having sex then they know what it looks like and there's nothing left to imagine
Me: That sounds like a perfect explanation. Did I tell you my mom saw Matt naked the last time he came down here? That definitely takes the fantasy out of our family dinners together when he comes for a visit.
Kate: lol, that's rough
Kate: i don't think that guy dave is gonna write me back
Me: Why not?
Kate: i just have a feeling about it
Kate: cuz it's kinda weird
Me: Yeah, kind of. But it's also not so weird that I've never heard of people doing it. If he's really as interesting and enigmatic as you were made to believe from his classroom ejaculations, then he'll write you back.
Me: And if he's a boring sonofagun, then he won't.
Me: And if he doesn't, you'll know that your life is better without him. So there.
Me: Man, I should be paid for advice like this.

... a couple of hours later...

Kate: so, dave wrote back to me
Me: Hello, did you read it yet?
Kate: i did
Me: And?
Kate: and it was cool, he thanked me for the compliment and then said it was an opinion by blake and went on to describe what he had read elsewhere and that i should read it, and then said again that he really appreciated the compliment, and then ended it wiht see you on friday
Kate: so i totally have an intellectual crush on him now. it was like a teacher's response except for the thanks for the compliment part
Me: I think you're great :-)
Kate: thanks
Me: Sure thing.
Kate: so now i wonder if he's gonna look to see who i am when the prof calls role
Me: You should look amazing on Friday, in case of that happening.
Kate: lol, break out my sexy black dress
Me: And raise your hand and loudly state "present!" and then growl in that sexy glglrgrrrlllrrrggglll kind of way...
Me: ...and look right at the guy and lick your juicy lips
Kate: and the professor will either be turned on or ask if i'm sick.
Kate: i would do it if i were drunk. maybe i should drink before class
Me: and then do one of those crossing your leg things like in that movie where that lady opens her legs for a second and then crosses them the other way. That's hot.
Kate: yeah i dunno about that
Me: So then if you do that, your intellectual crush will know that not only are you smart, but you're a dish, and you've got the goods to prove it!
Kate: i haven't shaved my legs in a year, that's definitely not conventionally sexy
Me: I think it's sexy! Mine are hairy, too, remember?
Kate: i know
Kate: that's why i say conventionally
Me: haha
Kate: right
Kate: dave is an anthro & english student. i just looked him up
Me: Stalker.

100 Things About Me

That maybe you'd like to know... or that you might not care about, but here they are anyway:

1. I can usually smell my armpits from a mile away, even when I drill the people around me and they swear they're being honest and they say that I smell just fine. And it pisses me off every time.

2. Sometimes I stutter when I'm nervous.

3. I think most cats are revolting.

4. I'm relatively high-maintenance, despite popular belief. Not in a girly-girl or froo-froo kind of way, but in an I-require-a-lot-of-tender-lovin'-and-attention kind of way.

5. A good strong, long, full body contact hug is maybe my favorite way to both greet and say goodbye to someone I care about.

6. I love having a vegetable garden, but hate doing the actual work to keep one up.

7. Pickup trucks are hot.

8. Though I've actually considered this several times, I've also dismissed it an equal number of times. Currently, I find the idea repulsive, barbaric and highly comical, but still secretly wish I had the balls to attempt it.

9. Eating vegetables makes me happy. And gassy.

10. One of my favorite personal mottoes is that an empty colon is a happy colon. Try it out and you'll also find that it's quite true.

11. I spent six years as an undergraduate student.

12. I'm still afraid of the dark.

13. Bad or disturbing dreams are pretty much an everyday occurrence for me.

14. I love flatulating-- how fulfilling!

15. I fall in love very easily and it tends to burn me. Oh well.

16. My hair is pretty long, like, almost down to my waist when it's straight. And I'm planning on cutting it off to give it away to charity.

17. The idea of having short hair repulses me.

18. I get a lot of migraines. I used to suffer through them because nothing ever made me feel better except going to sleep in complete darkness with no sound and then waking up to vomit and have diarrhea and then sleeping again. Now I take Excedrin Migraine and feel much better about myself.

19. I used to bite my nails. I don't anymore.

20. These are the names of all of the pets I've owned in my life, in order of appearance: OJ the turtle, Noah and Emily (goldfish-- Emily ate Noah, and then a couple of days later, was found belly up), Newt, a tadpole I caught at a pond that changed into a frog and then magically disappeared from our second-floor porch one day, CC the hermit crab followed shortly by Speedy the hermit crab, Loafy the gerbil, Phil the gerbil, and briefly Doodles the gerbil. That's it.

21. My manfriend has more fabulous hair than I have.

22. I have a lot of friends from a lot of different social groups. I like attempting to intermingle said social groups. Oftentimes, my friends don't mesh :)

23. I like being cold, but only when I have a sweater to put on or some arms to pull around me. I don't like shivering.

24. I have a red visor that I wear strictly when I'm exercising. I love to sweat A TON when I'm working out. I gauge the effectiveness of my exercise by how far down the brim of the visor the sweat has stained.

25. I love working out.

26. I hate working out.

27. I've been fat since primary school. I think I only now might be comfortable with the fact that I might always be fat.

28. I have a lot of stretch marks from getting fat and then getting skinnier and then getting fatter again. I am currently getting skinnier one more time.

29. I love my body. But only in the mornings.

30. I have ten earring holes in my ears in the following pattern: Left ear with one cartilage ring and four lobe holes, Right ear with one tragus ring and four lobe holes. I can't wait to get more holes.

31. Since high school I've wanted to pierce my nipples and get a tattoo. I think I've chickened out of both for good.

32. I really am a chicken at heart even though I like to go on adventures.

33. Sometimes I cry at work or after I get home because it's harder than I ever imagined it would be and I feel overwhelmed.

34. Every time I took a chemistry lab in college, I was simultaneously convinced and terrified that I'd somehow set fire to myself or spill some noxious agent on my clothing and would be forced to strip down to my undies and shower in front of the whole class in that in-case-of-emergency spill/fire shower in the lab. I think it was the public near-nudity thing that got to me. I was very careful in chemistry labs.

34. Soon after I started taking chemistry labs, I started skinny dipping with friends and taking naked showers in those big open locker room showers.

35. I stopped taking chemistry labs and never took another one again. I can still be found naked in semi-public places from time to time.

36. I wear glasses.

37. I have had a strange aversion to eyes for as long as I can remember. I just realized this year that I can't touch them or really look at them (or even think about them too much) because when I was a kid, my brother sprayed shaving cream into my eyes and it burned like a motherfucker. I didn't remember that shaving cream event until the spring of 2005 sometime.

38. Unfinished wood products give me the willies... like, even thinking about popsicle sticks and paper napkins gives me the chills. Ugh.

39. I have an excellent vocabulary.

40. I am an excellent pool player. Ahem.

41. I'm on a mission, bitches... Oh shit!

42. I did varsity track and field and varsity swimming in high school.

43. When I was about 12, I dove off a floating dock into a lake when the water was pretty low. I got a mouthful of sand, scraped my feet against the chains and cinder blocks holding the float in place, and took a huge chunk of skin out of my left foot. From that time on, I've been afraid to dive.

44. When I was on the swim team, I was the only girl who didn't know how to dive off the starting blocks or do flip-turns. The coach made me stand out of the water alongside the pool and watch the other girls so I could learn. It was humiliating.

45. Now I know how to dive... but I still don't really like to.

46. These are the countries I've been to, in order of appearance: Canada (when I was an infant), the Czech Republic, Greece, Israel, Costa Rica, Mexico.

47. These are the states I've been to, in no particular order: NY (my home), CT, FL, MA, VT, NC, SC, VA, DC, WA, CA, NJ, PA, MI, GA, PR.

48. I usually don't prefer the taste of red colored candies, except for watermelon-flavored ones. Most others hurt my mouth or make me want to vomit.

49. I'm left handed.

50. I have never dyed or put color augmentation of any kind in my hair.

51. When I was little, I wanted bangs but my mother wouldn't let me. So one day, I cut my own bangs and then told my mom that I'd gotten chewing gum stuck in my hair and had had to cut it out. I fessed up last year.

52. At one point in the early 1990's, I sucked all of the pimentos out of a jar of green olives and put all of the empty olives back in the jar. After I'd done it, my parents made a green salad and dumped a bunch of those pimento-less olives into the salad, and then proceeded to serve my sucked-out olives to a bunch of guests. I never said anything about it until at least a decade later.

53. I am wracked with chronic guilt, even when I haven't done anything to feel guilty about. Perhaps because I'm Jewish.

54. I attended a Catholic youth group during high school. The nuns called home to make sure it was ok.

55. I try to wear flip flops until as late into the autumn as possible. I remember a couple of years where I wore them even after it'd started snowing. My feet like to breathe.

56. I think I might always be hungry. I know I am right now.

57. Every time I see the word "applause," I think "apple sauce."

58. Every time I see the word "public," I think "pubic."

59. I think the word "apothecary" is awesome.

60. Before I'd even purchased a Play Station II Game System, I'd already bought the latest Dance Dance Revolution cd plus a set of DDR dance pads. I only own that one game since that's the only reason I wanted to buy the PS2, and I feel perfectly content knowing that.

61. I had my tonsils out when I was 16.

62. I had a back surgery in 2004. The surgeon removed a piece of my disc that had pinched off from the rest of the disc and was pushing against some spinal nerves and I wasn't walking very well up until that point. When I was still in the recovery room and the neurosurgeon came out of the operating room to talk with my parents, he told them he'd never had to remove a piece of disc that big and he was surprised I wasn't in more pain. My parents fessed up to him that I can take a pretty good amount of pain. It's been over a year since then-- I feel like a new person now!

63. I was voted most creative and most artistic in the 8th grade, along with Michael Circosta.

64. I used to play the trumpet and various percussion instruments. I haven't played any of that seriously in at least six years. I miss it a lot.

65. The number 8 is my favorite.

66. I secretly like the music of STYX. Ok... maybe not so secretly.

67. A razor blade has not passed over my legs since August 2001.

68. When my friends have birthdays and I feel inspired enough to give them a present, I often like to gift with homemade tee shirts. They usually come out fantastically.

69. Heh. Childish, I know.

70. My wristwatch is kept in military time.

71. It is also kept seven minutes fast on purpose.

72. I'm not a morning person, though I also turn into a pumpkin if it gets to be too late at night... like, past 11pm or midnight. So I guess that makes me a midday person. Is that a real thing?

73. Sometimes I wonder if my memory is exceptionally poor for someone so young.

75. I'm pretty terrible at guessing people's ages and I hate it when people ask me to try.

76. At times I get these irrational feelings of panic that I've forgotten to do something *really* important. Sometimes I can't remember what it was that I forgot to do, but I just know I forgot to do it. It usually takes me a little while to calm down from those feelings.

77. I don't particularly enjoy clowns.

78. Autumn and spring are my favorite seasons, and I'm more of a winter chick than a summer sun bunny.

79. Purchasing new underwear will make my day any day.

80. I make a mean batch of peanutty Thai-style spicy noodles.

81. Talking aloud to myself is a shameless daily occurrence for me.

82. I've always wanted to take the following classes: speed reading, cake decorating, quilting, knitting and crocheting.

83. Mmmmm... macadamia nuts.

84. I am not a chocolate freak.

85. I have really big feet and almost no arches.

86. Taking naps in the grass under a shady tree on a balmy afternoon is perhaps my favorite way to spend some alone time on a day off.

87. Sunsets aren't especially appealing to me, but I think that watching a sunrise with someone I care about is incredibly special.

88. I am physically unable to stick out my tongue.

89. I love getting presents! And mail! Please send me some!!

90. Doing laundry is a favorite pastime, but folding it and putting it away stinks. Sometimes I lose myself while watching the clothes and suds swish around rhythmically... it sucks me in.

91. I am often a huge clod.

92. My first memory is from when I was about one year old-- I remember the fabric on the couch we had before we left my first apartment.

93. I love the smell in the air on a crisp winter's day just before the snow begins to fall.

94. The sound of snow falling is also highly satisfying.

95. To me, the outside of white Tic Tacs taste like ice cream while the inside tastes like a very caustic cleaning solution.

96. I hate asking for help... sometimes even asking makes me feel like I'm admitting defeat.

97. I honestly enjoyed living in Binghamton, NY.

98. Kids, teens and middle-aged adults are all right, but I really love people on the far edges of the age spectrum the most.

99. I'm a really cluttered person. I think the clutter in my life makes me feel secure. But although I'm surrounded by clutter, I refuse to be surrounded by filth.

100. I believe anything people say-- I'm terribly gullible and naive.

And for good measure, here are some more!
Another Hundred Things About Me

On My Ass... Again!

I guess this Noodle is making a habit of busting a move on the dance floor. And by "busting a move on the dance floor," I mean "falling on my ass in front of all kinds of people at work."

The other day, I was moving a patient in his bed to another room with the help of a second nurse. Things were going pretty well until I tried to steer the back wheels of the bed towards one side... they got stuck. I made sure that I'd unlocked the bed so that it could move freely, and tried to turn it again. Unfortunately, two of the wheels just wouldn't budge. So the other nurse and I tried to make do and attempted to heave the bed into the proper angle to allow it to roll into the room.

Moving the bed in this manner was difficult, but we were progressing, until a third nurse came along and saw what was going on. This is the conversation that ensued:

Nurse 3: What are you guys doing?
Nurse 2: We're moving this patient to another room.
Me: But the back wheels are stuck, so it's hard to turn the bed.
Nurse 3: Did you unlock the bed?
Me: Yeah-- see? (showing the lock pushed into the "unlocked" position)
Nurse 3: No-- that's not all the way unlocked.

The third nurse then proceeded to unlock the wheels all the way, and immediately after, I flew backwards to the floor landing right on my derriere. Plus, in my back pocket was my cellular, so I landed on that, too.

Ouch!

Both nurses just stood there for a minute holding back laughter, the patient was sitting up in bed staring at me with an "Oh man!" look on his face, and I was just speechless for a second. How embarrassing. So then the third nurse offered me her hand and helped me up, and we finished relocating the patient.

But jeez, what is going on with me? This time I swear it wasn't my fault-- though I appeared as cloddy as ever, I wasn't the cause of the mishap. Honestly though, I'm seriously beginning to wonder... will I ever live this clod thing down?

Sheesh. I hope so-- and that it happens soon.

Not A High Schooler

So I carry this dorky lunchbag to work and I'll admit, it's silly. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm really a kid at heart (or perhaps that I'd just rather be in school again so I wouldn't have to be part of the working adult world), so bringing my Dr. Seuss lunchbag with me to the hospital isn't necessarily a shameful thing. Instead, it's just a quirky little piece of what helps to demonstrate the kind of person I am-- a fun, lighthearted dork. Plus I've had it since high school and I don't feel like purchasing a new one when this one is perfectly fine. But that's besides the point.

(Here's the bag in question... cute, right? Look, just below the bag on my shirt,
there's even a date-- 1999. That's a tee shirt I got in high school, too.
I guess I really am stuck in the past!)

Anyhow, nobody has ever said anything to me at work about my lunchbag, so either noone has noticed, or the rest of my coworkers think my bag is the coolest thing ever. Well that, or I'm so much of a turd that they wouldn't dare to comment on it. Either way, since the day I started, I've happily brought my multicolored sack to the hospital for weeks without a single comment.

But yesterday, something strange and new happened. Well, it's the beginning of September, so naturally it's back to school time. The only part about back to school time that has any influence on me really is the school bus-- there's a bus stop right in front of my house, so I need to figure out a time when I can leave just before the bus arrives so that I don't get stuck behind it and risk being late for work. Not a huge problem-- just takes a little observation and a little juggling. So yesterday morning, as expected, I left my house for work around 6:40am, but just as I was about to get into my car, the school bus came barreling down the hill. I didn't consider it really, besides thinking that I should plan on getting out of the house a couple of minutes earlier in the future.

This, however, wasn't the case for the bus driver-- he clearly wasn't thinking anything like "Oh, here's a person who's trying to get to work right when I'm arriving at the stop in front of her house," because instead, he was apparently too busy thinking "Oh, here's another dorky kid with a dorky lunch bag. I'd better stop to pick her up for school." So he did-- he flat out stopped the bus and opened the door, waiting for me to get in.

To be honest, I was kind of shocked... and definitely embarrassed. Plus I didn't really know how to react, so I just lowered my eyes, backed away towards the house, and let the bus drive away. But after he left and I got into my car, I think the full meaning of the event hit me-- I looked like a kid because I was carrying a kid's lunch bag (not to mention I take along a back pack to work with all my crap in it), so the bus driver stopped to take me to school.

Ha!

I guess that should teach me-- if I want to be seen as a grownup, I have to dress like a grownup. And if I want to be seen as a kid, I should dress like a kid. Well... ahem. Bring on the kiddy gear!

Very Slapstick, Really

You know those kids in school who seem to have ants in their pants? You know, the ones who can't keep to themselves, are always fidgeting around, and seem to be the bane of the teachers' existence? Yeah-- those kids. You know what I'm talking about. Well, it also seems to be those kids who are the ones to fall off their chairs in school. They'll be, say, fooling around, not paying attention to the activity at hand, and they'll be tipping back their chairs trying either to relax comfortably or if not, then trying to push gravity and the laws of physics to see how much of an angle they can get when redistributing their weight without tipping over and falling. But inevitably they all fall. Pretty dumb, right? Right.

Now picture a nurse sitting at a nurses' station reaching for a patient's chart, swiveling around in one of those rolling office chairs, pushing gravity and the laws of physics in a test of weight redistribution in an effort to grab onto the chart as lazily as possible without having to get up off of the chair and walk the foot-and-a-half across the station to pick up the chart. Now picture her falling. Pretty dumb, right? Right.

So that was me tonight at work. Ridiculous. I've never been that fidgety kid in school, and although I'm pretty lazy at heart, I usually can recognize when the limits are pushed and are about to burst. It doesn't surprise me really that I've never fallen off of a tipped chair. In fact, I don't know that I've ever really tipped a chair... until today.

I don't know what I was thinking, but obviously whatever it was, it was not smart. When that chair started to tip, and I could feel it coming, I braced myself-- I knew what was going to happen next. So when it actually did fall out from underneath me, not too much of my weight went with it, and I only had to do a three-finger touch to the floor to regain my balance. But the chair went all out bang-clack-boom style right onto the floor. Thank God it was a pretty quiet day-- there weren't a million people hanging out at the nurses' station (picture throngs of physicians, nurse practitioners, social workers and ancillary staff, all with their herds of obedient trainees and medical students). Instead, it was only me, another nurse, and one physician sitting there. Thank God-- it was humiliating.

It probably wouldn't have been so bad if it was just my RN/LPN coworkers because nurses have pretty good senses of humor and once the chance of harm is out of the way, they can usually see the humor in things. But physicians seem to be a little different-- and the one sitting next to me at the time of my embarrassing blunder was particularly snide. He was on the phone and apparently the person on the other end of the line heard the crash and asked what it was. The physician replied, "Oh nothing, someone just fell off a chair. It was very slapstick, really," and then continued on with his conversation. He hadn't even asked if I was ok! What a stooge.

Oh well, I was fine. So if nothing else, then I provided some levity for the day and demonstrated once again the pure unadulterated truth about me-- I am a clod.

No Gasoline, Plenty Of Gas

I couldn't believe it-- I haven't filled up my gas tank in over a week (maybe even two weeks)since I don't drive that far to work and that's really all I've been doing this last week. That being said, I was absolutely shocked today when I drove to the grocery store and passed at least four gas stations posting prices as low as $3.39 and as high as $3.89 for a gallon of fuel. That's almost FOUR DOLLARS a gallon! Holy crap!!

I looked at my dinky under-a-quarter-of-a-tank and felt pangs of guilt and grief at driving 15 minutes to and from the grocery store to pick up nothing special and nothing in quantity just because I felt like taking a drive for something new to eat for dinner. Ugh.

So when I got to the grocery store, because I felt so stressed out and bad, I made sure to buy the crappiest food possible. Chips. No nutritional value, and clearly only satisfying for about an hour, bound to leave one feeling greasy and hungry and gassy within a very short while of polishing off the bag.

Why do I do things like that? All I've done today is talk online with friends on AIM, post blog updates, watch the idiot box, and eat. And waste precious precious gasoline on a dumb bag of chips. Now I feel bloated (aka: about ready to pop), and I honestly think I'd be content just to go to my room, lie on the bed like a beached whale and fart myself into oblivion.

Somebody save me from myself.

New Orleans In Ruin

Between my work-and-sleep-only schedule the past few days and my disgust with American news sensationalism, I hadn't really checked up much on what was happening in the United States for the past week or so. I knew hurricane Katrina had done a lot of damage in the US, but I wasn't exactly sure how bad it was until last night. Talking with a Matt last night about the chance that Tim's National Guard unit might be deployed to help with this disaster had sparked my interest in checking it out, and when I looked at the footage and news articles online today, I became sick to my stomach. The devastation is horrendous and our federal government is being so sluggish about responding. It's horrific.

So, I can't do much in the way of volunteering or helping in any kind of physical way, but I've got a job and I've got some money, so I've been making donations to some of the organizations providing relief services. If you want to also, click on these links:

America's Second Harvest

The Baton Rouge Area Foundation

I hope things change soon and will begin to get a little better.

RIP Patch

The Hirshans finally had to put their cat to sleep the other day. He had recently gotten sick with diabetes... they'd been taking him to the vet dutifully, and giving him insulin injections regularly, and doing all kinds of stuff to try to help him get/stay well. But he just got sicker and sicker, and then the other day, he was really suffering. He'd lost a lot of weight and was only six pounds, so they decided to put him down.

Though it was the humane thing to do, it really couldn't have been an easy decision. That cat's been in their family for a long time, and he's really been a big part of their lives.

So RIP Patch. Your family misses you.