Money Shots

Ok, so back to money shots... this seems to be a popular question since my last post. Just to clarify, it's been a long standing phenomenon that I've had a fairly strong aversion to seeing that particular moment in porn movies. Not that I watch porn all the time, because I don't. I mean, come on, I'm not a perv. Not that that there's anything wrong with watching porn or that if you do, you're pervy... I just don't, really. Mostly because I almost vomit every time I see it. But whatever, let's just get back to the story.

So anyway, I don't know if there was one particular moment in my life that traumatized me enough to cause this somewhat permanent cinematically induced physiological response. But I do know of a couple specific times during which I was watching pornographic videos and almost ralphed. Like, for instance, the time I went with my friend Tera to this showing of an Annie Sprinkles film... it started out innocently enough with a documentary about a woman having a surgically created penis crafted out of an inside-out piece of her own colon, but then all of a sudden, it got racy and was somehow time for the money shot, and I just about choked on my own chunky regurgitation before I was able to realize what was happening and turn away. That was, I think, the strongest response I ever had to one of those scenes.

The other most memorable time I can recall where I had a pretty strong reaction to porn was when I was watching it with Craig, Robin and Brian. It was a *really* awful video, created what seemed like sometime circa 1972. But anyway, I knew I was going to react that way when the final scene from each of the little vignettes was going to come on, so I asked my friends to tell me when it was all over. I then turned away, each time hoping to miss those terrible moments, and each time being assured that it had passed, only to find out each time that it was, in reality, just about to occur. The first time, I kind of laughed and half-heaved. The second time, though slightly pissed off, I didn't really think anything of it besides contemplating my own digestive contents. But the twelfth time, I probably screamed.

What's that old adage again? "Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me..." So where does "fool me 12 times" come in? Oh yeah, I think it goes like this: "Fool me 12 times, because I'm a big turd and I'll just take it."